Gay Acceptance

I'm gay. Hopefully no surprises there.

I didn't come out to myself until the end of my second year of college. That also happens to be when my first and last relationship with a girl ended. Not a coincidence. The more time I spent with her, the more I realized I really, really wasn't attracted to girls sexually at all.

I was in a low place the following six months. I didn't know how to act -- if I should be acting differently -- or what I was going to do with myself. Date guys? I didn't even know how to court a girl, something I should have picked up from simple immersion in a heterosexual environment for the past twenty-odd years, much less a guy.

Somehow I got over that. Time tempered my negative feelings and thoughts. I began accepting myself and allowing myself to enjoy my orientation. During those first six months I would feel bad and ashamed when I realized I was checking a guy out; after that hurdle I took delight in sneaking glances at passing hunks on campus.

The next year at college was my last. I joined a GLBT organization, hung out at the resource center, and was openly out on campus. That October I came out to my parents and brother. I was already out to a select few friends, but was nervous about telling my folks... I'd heard enough stories about bad reactions to worry that my life would shatter. But they all took me with open hearts -- I couldn't ask for better people to call family.

By the end of that year I had two exes in my past. I'm mostly open everywhere I go, except at my job. My career is under heavy community scrutiny, and I have to be cautious not to make anyone uncomfortable or outraged -- although it's completely stupid that being gay would have any effect on my job performance, if the community complains loudly enough then my superiors would probably seriously consider letting me go to please them.

Ah, them's the shits.

Follow the winds
=Sab